It’s a New Season

Have you ever felt like you were on the verge of something big? Perhaps it’s in your job situation or your schooling.

The decisions we make are like the paddles in an old-fashioned pinball game. Sometimes we swing and it propels us forward, scoring big. At other times, the paddle misses the ball and falls through, but we get back into the game all the wiser. We progress farther in the game of life, reaching new heights.”

It’s the same feeling I had when I was a single, 48-year-old virgin. I had a strong gut feeling that I was going to get married soon. 

But here’s the thing—I wasn’t dating anyone, and no one was on the horizon. However, my body, soul, and spirit believed it so deeply that I blurted it out loud at a retreat I was hosting for women. I declared, “I believe I’m going to be married within the year!” 

My mind believed it was going to happen, and that propelled me into action. I knew that “faith without works is dead” (James 2:17). So, I joined a gym and worked out five days per week. I read books about marriage and prepared to be a wife. For me, that included learning how to cook! (I figured my man would want to eat more than oatmeal and cereal.) 

Do you realize the power of your words? God created us in His image, and like Him, we create using our words. Something amazing happens when we activate our faith and belief. 

That’s exactly what happened to me. I believed that my man would find me, and he did. We were married in the year. From the time we started dating until we walked down the aisle was only four months!

However, we must remember that this power to create with our words exists whether our words evoke positive or negative thoughts. That’s why it’s so important to bring every word into captivity. We should train our minds to focus on the positive and think about “things that are true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

So, ladies, stop saying, “There are no good men out there,” or “I’ll never get married.” Instead, speak in faith, “My godly man is working on himself, and our paths will cross when we’re both ready. I will get married!”

(If you want to learn more about my story, purchase “Delayed Not Denied: How I Became My Best on My Journey to Love and Marriage.”)

As You Walk Through the Shadow…

This morning, as I walked with my husband, the shadows on the ground caught my attention. I noticed how the size of my shadow changed relative to my position to the sun. ☀️Sometimes the shadow was to my side. Other times, it fell in front of and even behind me.

Did you know you can’t have a shadow without a light source? The sun is the crucial piece. During daylight, that’s the only way we can see a shadow. 

Noting this phenomenon, I couldn’t help but think of a popular Bible verse.

Psalm 23:4a says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.” 

Wow! Did you get that? Read the verse again.

First, you WILL 🚶🏾‍♀️walk through! You won’t get stuck. You will NOT stay there, but you will walk through the valley.

Secondly, the shadow is proof that the son is there; Jesus, the S-O-N (not s-u-n), is always with us. Because He never leaves us, we don’t have to be afraid. He stands taller than our situation.

Sometimes the shadow may appear larger than its size. The further our angle from the sun, the bigger the shadow.

My tip for you, stay under Christ. The closer we are to him, the smaller our shadows (or situations) will appear.  

Remember, the shadow can’t do us any harm. We all face a “valley of the shadow of death.” Perhaps yours is …

  • delayed marriage
  • job loss
  • failed pregnancy
  • death of a loved one.

Regardless of the situation, take comfort in knowing that Jesus is with you. The closer you are to Him, the smaller your situation will appear.

Finally, the “shadow of death” is NOT death. It may feel like it, but you will not die from this. The Lord WILL bring you through your situation. Trust God and believe. He’s got you!

Email me at info@drpaulacperez.com, and let me know how I can support you in prayer.

Are You Still Waiting on God?

How often have you tried to hear from the Lord, but His voice seems distant? You want desperately to please Him but are unsure of the right direction. You wonder if you are still waiting because God said, “No” or saying, “Not yet”? Regardless of what you are waiting for, many have experienced the same thing. The Bible provides us with scriptures to help us wait patiently on the Lord and to be of good courage as we wait.  

Remember, we serve a good father, and He does not withhold “good things” from His children. Psalm 84:11 (NLT) says, “For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.”

There are, however, times when we must wait for the right season. We must ignite our faith and believe that the Lord is aligning us with His perfect timing. Anchor your faith in waiting on God scriptures like Habakkuk 2:3 (NLT). This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

A natural question is, what causes God to delay in giving us what we ask for? Sometimes our actions are the culprit. Perhaps we sinned. This was the case in Isaiah 59:1-2 (NLT). Listen! The Lord’s arm is not too weak to save you, nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call. It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.

Wrong motives may also be at the root. James tells us, that “when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.” (James 4:3 NLT). 

Yet, there are times when it is a spiritual battle. Like Job, God is allowing us to be tested, or the Lord wants to refine our faith. Paul talked about this struggle in his second letter to the Corinthians. He said, “[T]o keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Stay encouraged, knowing that God has a plan for your life. Trust Him to reveal it in due season. Remember, God is working for your good. So, my sister, be of good courage and wait on the  Lord.

Nothing Changes Until It Changes

Time to make a change!

Have you ever wanted something new in your life? Perhaps you have longed for something different for a while–a new career, a new car, or even a college degree.

I was 47 years old when I realized that if I wanted my circumstances to change; I needed to do something different. The change had to start with me.

What did I desire? Marriage. You see, although I dated and was once engaged, none of the relationships led to a trip to the altar. But at a hotel in upstate New York, a month after I turned 48, everything changed.

In a space with a wrought iron banister and a wood-burning fireplace surrounded by sparkling trees, I declared to a group of women that I would be married within the year. I conceived it, then I believed it, but I didn’t stop there. I moved into action.

I often say, “With momentum comes clarity.” That’s exactly what happened to me. Rather than “waiting” around for a man to come to my house. I put my belief into action:

  • Worked out at the gym
  • Got an orthodontist 
  • Saved money for a ceremony
  • Followed the promptings from the Lord

Determined to couple my faith with action, I positioned myself to receive what I desired. As author, Napoleon Hill states, “If we conceive it, and believe it, we can achieve it.” My faith-filled actions resulted in my being in the right place, at the right time, and ready to meet my soul mate.

  1. Now, fourteen years later, I am a “Single-to-Spouse Support Coach.” I work with saved single women to develop the skills to attract and marry the love of their lives. Through my biblically based coaching program, I equip my clients using a 4-STEPTM framework to become “kingdom” wives so they attract their spouses.

I invite you to think about an incremental change you can make in your life. What’s one thing you can do to bring about your desired transformation? Start today and invest in yourself. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes!

By Now, I Thought I Would…

Let’s face it, we have all experienced a waiting season. Perhaps you are still waiting for a promotion, a baby, or to buy your first home. Maybe you are in your forties, like me, still desiring marriage. The question is, what do we do during the wait?

The experience of waiting is universal; however, how we wait is key. Are we bitter? Do we blame God? Maybe the situation causes frustration. If I am honest, I was there. I vividly recall shouting to the Lord, “I KNOW you have a plan for my life, but would you give ME a clue?”

As I matured in my walk with the Lord, I realized that is where faith comes in. I had to ask myself, do I believe in God even though the circumstances looked bleak? Did I believe whatever I was waiting for would happen? What if God’s plan for our life does not include whatever it is we are longing for? How do we allow our boundaries to safeguard our thoughts? Here are a few ideas:

1. Practice Gratitude: While it’s easy to focus on what we don’t have, cultivate a habit of gratitude. Jot down three things you are grateful for each day, no matter how small. This shift in perspective will help you see the blessings in your life and reduce feelings of bitterness or frustration.

2. Embrace the Present Moment: Instead of constantly longing for the future, embrace and appreciate the present moment. Find joy in the little things and make the most of each day. Remember, life is not just about achieving specific milestones, but about the journey itself.

3. Trust the Process: Trust that everything is happening for a reason and that there is a divine plan at work. Surrender control and have faith that what is meant for you will come at the right time. Trusting the process can help ease anxiety and allow you to focus on personal growth and development.

4. Set Realistic Expectations: While it’s important to have goals and aspirations, it’s equally important to set realistic expectations. Understand that life doesn’t always go as planned and that sometimes detours and delays are part of the journey. Be open to unexpected opportunities and have faith that they may lead you to something even better than what you originally desired.

5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive community or seek guidance from a mentor or coach. Sharing your journey with others who understand can provide comfort, encouragement, and valuable insights. Remember, you are not alone in your wait.

Remember, life is full of unexpected twists and turns. While it’s natural to feel frustrated or impatient during the waiting period, it’s crucial to maintain a positive mindset and trust the process. Make the most of your wait and find inner peace and fulfillment along the way. Keep leaning into your faith and remember that your dreams may unfold in ways you never imagined.

How Can I Let Him Know I’m Interested?

Now that you are ready to date, how do you get started? In the words of Latteras Whitfield, “Men should pursue and not persuade. Women should present and not pursue.” What does this look like for women?

Throughout history, women have expressed interest in potential suitors in a variety of ways, including the age-old practice of dropping a handkerchief to capture a man’s attention. In this blog let’s explore the Christian perspective on showing attraction and discover how present-day Christians can approach romantic relationships.

1. Trust God’s Design:

In Christian relationships, it is crucial to trust in God’s divine design for romance. God created men and women with distinct roles and purposes. As women, we are called to present ourselves with dignity and grace, allowing men to take the lead in pursuing a relationship. However, society often pushes us to take the reins into our own hands to make that connection happen. I believe our femininity is a powerful tool in letting the man know we are open to the possibilities. Some may feel this attitude will lead to being a “trad wife”. I’ve found that this trust in God’s design brings harmony and fosters a deeper connection built on faith.

Bible Verse: Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.“

2. Rely on God’s Timing:

The belief that the Lord may not come when we want Him to, but he’s always on time is the basis of Christian romantic relationships. Instead of pushing or manipulating situations, we are called to wait patiently for God to orchestrate the right timing for a relationship to unfold. By focusing on personal growth and aligning ourselves with God’s will, we can cultivate a heart of contentment and readiness. However, faith without works is dead. We have to DO our part.

Bible Verse: Ecclesiastes 3:1 – “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

3. Express Interest with Grace:

While the historical practice of dropping a handkerchief is no longer prevalent in modern times, we can still express interest respectfully and gracefully. By being approachable, friendly, and engaging in meaningful conversations, we can create opportunities for connection without crossing the line of pursuing. This approach demonstrates our genuine interest and allows men to take the lead.

Bible Verse: Colossians 4:6 – “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone.“

What are some modern ways to “Drop Your Handkerchief”?

In today’s context, there are concrete ways women can signal their interest to potential suitors without taking on the role of pursuer. Here are a couple:

  • Show genuine interest by actively listening and engaging in conversations. Ask thoughtful questions, show empathy, and demonstrate a willingness to understand the person you’re interested in.
  • Smile and maintaining eye contact can convey openness and receptiveness. These simple gestures can catch someone’s attention and create a positive impression.
  • Seek opportunities to participate in activities or events where you share common interests. This can create a natural connection and provide a platform for further interaction and potential pursuit.
  • Demonstrate kindness, support, and encouragement to the person you’re interested in. Show that you genuinely care about their well-being and success without crossing the boundaries of pursuit.
  • Comment and like their posts on social media pages. Show them you are interested in and value what they have to say.

As Christians, it is important to approach romantic relationships with a solid foundation rooted in our faith. Embracing God’s design, trusting His timing, expressing interest with grace, and using modern ways of “dropping your handkerchief” can help us initiate relationships that honor God and allow His perfect plan to unfold. By surrendering our desires to Him and following His principles, we can experience the blessings of a Christ-centered and purposeful romantic relationship.

Bible Verse: Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.“

Now it’s your turn. How do men pursue, women present? How do YOU let someone know you are interested in them? Let me know in the comments your Christian dating tips.

5 Keys for Attracting and Finding Love God’s Way

Unlock Your Heart With These 5 Keys

Last Sunday, on Single Sister Sundays, I shared the importance of opening up to the possibility of love. But as a successful, single, Christ follower, in a world that tells you to show your boobs, go to a club, and have sex on the first night to catch a man, you may wonder how to attract and marry the love of your life God’s way. Believe me, you are not alone. Even if this information is not for you, read this article, share it, and then teach it to the singles in your life.

We must live according to God’s principles. By adopting a Christ-centered approach and incorporating these five keys into our lives, we can align our heart’s desires with God’s plan and manifest a loving, fulfilling relationship. Then, as the psalmist says, we can have the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4-5)

1. Cultivate Self-Love:

The first key to attracting your ideal mate is to cultivate self-love. Embrace your worthiness and recognize the unique qualities that make you special. Prioritize self-care, nurture your passions and talents, and invest in personal growth. When you radiate self-love, you become a magnet for a partner who will cherish and appreciate you.

2. Clarify Your Vision:

Reflect on what you truly want in a relationship. Define your values, goals, and non-negotiables. Create a clear vision of what your ideal mate embraces, from their character traits to shared spiritual beliefs. Trust by combining love and spirituality, and aligning your vision and purpose, that God will bring the right person into your life.

3. Cherish Your Relationship with the Lord:

A thriving relationship with the Lord lays the foundation for a healthy partnership. Dedicate time to prayer and fasting. Seek His guidance, and surrender your desires to His will. Remember, this is a divine partnership. As you deepen your spiritual connection, you invite God to lead you on the path toward a Christ-centered relationship.

4. Commit to Authenticity and Vulnerability:

Authenticity and vulnerability are essential in attracting your ideal mate. Be true to yourself and embrace your authenticity. Share your joys, struggles, and dreams with others, including the Lord. Opening your heart and being vulnerable creates a space for genuine connections and paves the way for a deep and meaningful relationship.

5. Choose to Trust God’s Timing:

Patience is key in attracting your ideal mate. Trust that God’s timing is perfect, and He knows what is best for you. Use this time to focus on your personal growth. Always pursue your passions and continue to strengthen your relationship with God. I’m a witness that His timing is perfect. He will bring the right person into your life at the right moment. Remember, delayed doesn’t mean denied!

Trust me when I say you can attract and marry your ideal mate. It is within your reach. To summarize, you can set the stage for a beautiful love story by incorporating these five keys:

  1. Cultivating self-love
  2. Clarifying your vision
  3. Cherishing your relationship with God 
  4. Committing to authenticity and vulnerability
  5. Choosing to trust in His timing

Stay faithful to your journey. Lean into your faith and know that God is with you every step of the way as you manifest the loving, Christ-centered relationship you desire. I’m praying for you too.

~ Dr. Paula C. Perez

From Red Flag to Love Brags

Have you ever noticed how, after you buy a new car, you see that car everywhere? We call this frequency illusion or bias the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. The reality is the same number of cars were on the road before you purchased your car; you just paid them no attention. This phenomenon occurs with everything: words, names, houses, fashion, and more. 

You don’t believe me? Let’s put this to the test. Take a minute and look around the space that you’re in. Pay attention to the red items. How many red things do you count in the space? Did you notice these items before I asked you to look? Chances are, you did not.

Now, let’s think about this in terms of the characteristics we look for in individuals, especially if we are Christian dating over 40. How does our perception of people influence how we feel about them?

Most of us look for the “red flags” in relationships. How do I know? Think about the number of people you’ve heard say, “There are no good available men.” or “All the women are hoochie mammas.” 

What if, instead, we put the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon to the test in our relationships? What if we choose to look for the amazing qualities we desire rather than focusing on potential red flags? We attend to the qualities and characteristics that we want instead of what we don’t want. What do you think you will start seeing?

I challenge you in this next week, to put this relationship tip to the test. Then let me know how it works out by emailing me at info@drpaulacperez.com.

Perception is a powerful tool. By approaching faith-based dating in this way, we will open up new possibilities. Putting a boundary around our negative thoughts will allow us to see more good. Let’s transform our relationships by focusing on the positive. Then watch how your relationships become more satisfying, joyful, and fulfilling.

Take advantage of my free, 30-minute “Ignite Love” Discovery Call. Schedule it today. ~ Dr. Paula

#relationships #singles #ChristianRelationships #Love #RedFlags #Baader-Meinhof #relationship tips #faithbaseddating #LoveBrags @drpaulacperez 

Dr. Paula C. Perez is an educator, author, speaker, and coach dedicated to empowering single women of faith to love and embrace themselves in this season as they prepare for the next. Dr. Paula draws from her 49-year experience as a never-married, sexless single. The lessons she learned on her journey to love and marriage developed her 4-STEP ® framework. These keys help singles unlock their love and so much more.