Nothing Changes Until It Changes

Time to make a change!

Have you ever wanted something new in your life? Perhaps you have longed for something different for a while–a new career, a new car, or even a college degree.

I was 47 years old when I realized that if I wanted my circumstances to change; I needed to do something different. The change had to start with me.

What did I desire? Marriage. You see, although I dated and was once engaged, none of the relationships led to a trip to the altar. But at a hotel in upstate New York, a month after I turned 48, everything changed.

In a space with a wrought iron banister and a wood-burning fireplace surrounded by sparkling trees, I declared to a group of women that I would be married within the year. I conceived it, then I believed it, but I didn’t stop there. I moved into action.

I often say, “With momentum comes clarity.” That’s exactly what happened to me. Rather than “waiting” around for a man to come to my house. I put my belief into action:

  • Worked out at the gym
  • Got an orthodontist 
  • Saved money for a ceremony
  • Followed the promptings from the Lord

Determined to couple my faith with action, I positioned myself to receive what I desired. As author, Napoleon Hill states, “If we conceive it, and believe it, we can achieve it.” My faith-filled actions resulted in my being in the right place, at the right time, and ready to meet my soul mate.

  1. Now, fourteen years later, I am a “Single-to-Spouse Support Coach.” I work with saved single women to develop the skills to attract and marry the love of their lives. Through my biblically based coaching program, I equip my clients using a 4-STEPTM framework to become “kingdom” wives so they attract their spouses.

I invite you to think about an incremental change you can make in your life. What’s one thing you can do to bring about your desired transformation? Start today and invest in yourself. Remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes!

By Now, I Thought I Would…

Let’s face it, we have all experienced a waiting season. Perhaps you are still waiting for a promotion, a baby, or to buy your first home. Maybe you are in your forties, like me, still desiring marriage. The question is, what do we do during the wait?

The experience of waiting is universal; however, how we wait is key. Are we bitter? Do we blame God? Maybe the situation causes frustration. If I am honest, I was there. I vividly recall shouting to the Lord, “I KNOW you have a plan for my life, but would you give ME a clue?”

As I matured in my walk with the Lord, I realized that is where faith comes in. I had to ask myself, do I believe in God even though the circumstances looked bleak? Did I believe whatever I was waiting for would happen? What if God’s plan for our life does not include whatever it is we are longing for? How do we allow our boundaries to safeguard our thoughts? Here are a few ideas:

1. Practice Gratitude: While it’s easy to focus on what we don’t have, cultivate a habit of gratitude. Jot down three things you are grateful for each day, no matter how small. This shift in perspective will help you see the blessings in your life and reduce feelings of bitterness or frustration.

2. Embrace the Present Moment: Instead of constantly longing for the future, embrace and appreciate the present moment. Find joy in the little things and make the most of each day. Remember, life is not just about achieving specific milestones, but about the journey itself.

3. Trust the Process: Trust that everything is happening for a reason and that there is a divine plan at work. Surrender control and have faith that what is meant for you will come at the right time. Trusting the process can help ease anxiety and allow you to focus on personal growth and development.

4. Set Realistic Expectations: While it’s important to have goals and aspirations, it’s equally important to set realistic expectations. Understand that life doesn’t always go as planned and that sometimes detours and delays are part of the journey. Be open to unexpected opportunities and have faith that they may lead you to something even better than what you originally desired.

5. Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive community or seek guidance from a mentor or coach. Sharing your journey with others who understand can provide comfort, encouragement, and valuable insights. Remember, you are not alone in your wait.

Remember, life is full of unexpected twists and turns. While it’s natural to feel frustrated or impatient during the waiting period, it’s crucial to maintain a positive mindset and trust the process. Make the most of your wait and find inner peace and fulfillment along the way. Keep leaning into your faith and remember that your dreams may unfold in ways you never imagined.

How Can I Let Him Know I’m Interested?

Now that you are ready to date, how do you get started? In the words of Latteras Whitfield, “Men should pursue and not persuade. Women should present and not pursue.” What does this look like for women?

Throughout history, women have expressed interest in potential suitors in a variety of ways, including the age-old practice of dropping a handkerchief to capture a man’s attention. In this blog let’s explore the Christian perspective on showing attraction and discover how present-day Christians can approach romantic relationships.

1. Trust God’s Design:

In Christian relationships, it is crucial to trust in God’s divine design for romance. God created men and women with distinct roles and purposes. As women, we are called to present ourselves with dignity and grace, allowing men to take the lead in pursuing a relationship. However, society often pushes us to take the reins into our own hands to make that connection happen. I believe our femininity is a powerful tool in letting the man know we are open to the possibilities. Some may feel this attitude will lead to being a “trad wife”. I’ve found that this trust in God’s design brings harmony and fosters a deeper connection built on faith.

Bible Verse: Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.“

2. Rely on God’s Timing:

The belief that the Lord may not come when we want Him to, but he’s always on time is the basis of Christian romantic relationships. Instead of pushing or manipulating situations, we are called to wait patiently for God to orchestrate the right timing for a relationship to unfold. By focusing on personal growth and aligning ourselves with God’s will, we can cultivate a heart of contentment and readiness. However, faith without works is dead. We have to DO our part.

Bible Verse: Ecclesiastes 3:1 – “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

3. Express Interest with Grace:

While the historical practice of dropping a handkerchief is no longer prevalent in modern times, we can still express interest respectfully and gracefully. By being approachable, friendly, and engaging in meaningful conversations, we can create opportunities for connection without crossing the line of pursuing. This approach demonstrates our genuine interest and allows men to take the lead.

Bible Verse: Colossians 4:6 – “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone.“

What are some modern ways to “Drop Your Handkerchief”?

In today’s context, there are concrete ways women can signal their interest to potential suitors without taking on the role of pursuer. Here are a couple:

  • Show genuine interest by actively listening and engaging in conversations. Ask thoughtful questions, show empathy, and demonstrate a willingness to understand the person you’re interested in.
  • Smile and maintaining eye contact can convey openness and receptiveness. These simple gestures can catch someone’s attention and create a positive impression.
  • Seek opportunities to participate in activities or events where you share common interests. This can create a natural connection and provide a platform for further interaction and potential pursuit.
  • Demonstrate kindness, support, and encouragement to the person you’re interested in. Show that you genuinely care about their well-being and success without crossing the boundaries of pursuit.
  • Comment and like their posts on social media pages. Show them you are interested in and value what they have to say.

As Christians, it is important to approach romantic relationships with a solid foundation rooted in our faith. Embracing God’s design, trusting His timing, expressing interest with grace, and using modern ways of “dropping your handkerchief” can help us initiate relationships that honor God and allow His perfect plan to unfold. By surrendering our desires to Him and following His principles, we can experience the blessings of a Christ-centered and purposeful romantic relationship.

Bible Verse: Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.“

Now it’s your turn. How do men pursue, women present? How do YOU let someone know you are interested in them? Let me know in the comments your Christian dating tips.